Just a Child
by peppermintshoes
Summary: Everyone has a breaking point, even Captains. HitsuMatsu friendship


Title: Just a child  
Summary: Everyone has a breaking point, even Captains  
Spoilers: Set sometime around chapter 180  
Pairing: None really, its more of a HitsuMatsu friendship fic

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A lone figure sits on the roof of the tenth division barracks, knees drawn to chest, the moonlight revealing its identity through the spiky-haired silhouette it casts. The figure does not move, and has not done so for some time, denoting his pensive mood. 

Hitsugaya Toushirou pulls his knees closer to his chest, his mind playing over and over again the image of Hinamori Momo lying unmoving in the fourth division's intensive care unit, the looming form of the respirator casting ominous shadows over her prone form, making her already pale skin seem an even more sickly colour. His fists clench as he contemplates just how someone could even _consider_ hurting Hinamori. Gentle Hinamori who always went out of her way to please other people, who rarely raised her voice and who would always be the one encouraging others when they were down. Anger pools in his gut as his mind conjures images of the man who inflicted Hinamori's wounds upon her, and he suddenly wishes that he hadn't left Hyourinmaru in the tenth division office, because an overwhelming desire to destroy something is slowly burning through his body, making his limbs twitch as he visualises himself encasing Aizen in ice then shattering his body into thousands of tiny fragments.

He feels the familiar reiatsu of his Fukutaichou approaching his position on the rooftop and tenses. He doesn't feel like talking to anyone right now, least of all his chatty Fukutaichou. Fortunately, she has become quite adept at reading his moods, because she seats herself beside him, close enough that her movements disturb his robes, but not close enough that they are actually touching, and says nothing. Instead, she mimics his position, wrapping her arms around her knees and staring out at the stars, her presence calming him more than any words could.

They sit like that for over an hour, the silence unbroken except for the occasional call of a night bird, or the odd seated officer passing by on a late-night errand.

Just as he is about murmur to her that she should leave, get some sleep, there is whisper of cloth beside him and before he can entirely register the movement, one of Matsumoto's long arms is slung across his shoulders, holding him close to her. In any normal situation, such a position would have been deemed inappropriate for a Taichou and Fukutaichou, however in the past few days Sereitei has gone well beyond "normal" and, if he is honest with himself, the contact is quite welcome. After a moment he feels her breath against his ear as she leans down and speaks just two words.

"Tell me."

Her words are soft, not at all like her usual brash and carefree tone. Her words are offered not out of pity but out of kindness and concern, because she knows that even her kid-genius Taichou sometimes needs someone to talk to, someone who he can confide in without them judging him as weak. More importantly, she knows that he trusts her as much as she trusts him.

Her words replay in his mind. _Tell me._

So he does.

He tells her of the pain caused to him by both Aizen and Hinamori; him, by deceiving and almost killing his oldest friend and her by being willing to believe him capable of murder. He tells her of his fear that Hinamori will never wake, that he dreads the day Unohana-Taichou will tell him that they're removing her from life support. He tells her how much it hurts when others look down on him simply because of his age, and how he's so _sick_ of having to act strong and stoic all the time in order to be taken seriously by the other members of the Gotei 13.

For the first time ever, he spills his heart out to his Fukutaichou, safe in the unspoken knowledge that this incident will stay between the two of them only. He is not, by nature, a talkative nor open person. Matsumoto knows this feels a certain sense of honour in knowing that her Taichou chose _her_ to confide in. She also knows that if she ever betrays his trust by sharing this information with anyone else, she will have let him down in the worst way possible. And so, she tucks his words into a corner of her mind, where she can protect this valuable information. In return, Matsumoto opens her own heart to him. She tells him about Gin, and how deeply his betrayal cut her. She tells him about how, whenever she was promoted to a higher seat, rumours would fly insinuating that she achieved her position through less than honourable methods. She tells him of her fears and weaknesses, and he listens, just like she did for him.

When their conversation turns back to Hinamori, and consequently Aizen, he feels the rage building inside him once more as his mind forces him to once again relive the sight of Hinamori lying corpse-like in the fourth division. He tries staring at the moon, his feet, the ground and the tenth division courtyard but nothing makes a difference. Wherever her looks, he can see her prone form, as though the image has been burned into his retina. He is accosted with flashes of events from the last few days and he feels his breathing hitch as the images flash constantly past his eyes, relentless in their cruel bombardment. He bites his lip as he tries to reign his emotions in, to regain control of the body that is now shaking from hate, anger, disappointment, sorrow and every other emotion that he has so carefully bottled up over the past few days.

He feels his eyes burning with tears he can no longer hold back and, as her arms tighten around him and a hand moves to stroke his silvery hair, he decides that perhaps, just this once, he can allow himself a moment of weakness.

Because for all his intelligence, his stoicism, and his strength, the truth is that beneath the white Captain's robe that so proudly adorns his shoulders, Hitsugaya Toushirou is still a child. And sometimes, children cry.

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A/N; //Dusts Hands// Aaaah, my first even bleach fic! Firstly, I apologise for any grammatical errors. This is unbetad, so if you find any mistakes please tell me and I'll correct them. 

Secondly, I know Hitsugaya might seem a bit OOC, but my intention was to portray a more vulnerable side that, even though he usually keeps it hidden from the world, is still there.

Thirdly, I haven't written anything for a looooong time so I apologise if the story doesn't really seem to flow.

//Looks back at fic// Hmmm, it was supposed to be Hitsu-centric with a tiny bit of Matsumoto thrown in for good measure, but I guess it didn't really turn out that way.

Anyway, loved it? Hated it? Thought that I should burn it? Whatever your thoughts, please tell me. Constructive criticism particularly is welcome, and flames will be used to make a campfire in my bedroom XD


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